Make a commitment and don't look back.
Excessive negative emotion is a by product of not knowing what you are working towards or how to get something you desire. It is a feeling of not liking where you are while not knowing how to go someplace better. It is a ubiquitous to human condition. While fear and anxiety causing, it is meant as motivation to become something better. Ignoring it only continually recreates the same experiences. Do you want to stay the same? If you died today would you be satisfied with what you accomplished? You will create a lot more of the same things, but there would be many positive changes that would have your name by them when you died.
You don’t want to remain in the same spot. With the same depth of relationships for you. Without having done much to inspire others. Are you good with that? Having come and gone from this world of infinite possibilities and only having the capabilities you have right now. If you think this doesn’t apply to you, go to a nursing home and ask people if they regret not taking action on ideas that interested them. And remember, it will much more amplified for you. Ignorance of the regret that results from such future is one thing. Willful ignorance is a different animal. If you have read this far you will won’t have the same intermittent comfort of being able to periodically convince yourself that you didn't know better. If you don’t take that chance on pursuing that idea that seems interesting to you and make an honest effort to see it through, it will be your own fault. You know this is true. Whether you ignore it now or not, there will come a time when it is actually too late. Too late to email those people in that industry your passionate about. So that you can then get the volunteer opportunity that gets your foot in the door. It will be too late to join that local club where you begin networking and gaining knowledge that leads your successful self-employment. Too late to spend time after school writing unique insights of value about a topic you love and then sharing it with people who it can benefit.
Religious or not, it is hard to argue against the idea that betrayal of someone who loves and cares about you is about as bad as it gets. In The Divine Comedy, the lowest depths of hell are reserved for such acts of betrayal. The worst acts are those that are willful. There are times where betrayal occurs out ignorance. You become enlightened enough to know better overtime, but it happens. Willful betray is something done to benefit oneself when you know it will harm someone who loves you. This situation is not much different than you find yourself in right now. There's a voice inside your head that directs your interests. We are all born with natural inclinations to pursue one thing or another. It is a unique area where you are able to bring into the world something no one else could. You will know that this is true at some point in the future if you do not already.
It is the voice inside your head telling you to go for it. Despite how unlikely it may seem to everyone else. But what do they know? They don’t know that you have been interested in it since you were four years old. The science is there to support the importance of following a purpose or calling. That interests is you future ideal self calling to come. It is how you know where to go. Knowing how to follow it is what AlignU is meant to help with. There is no excuse not to do it. It’s suppose to be challenging. But life is challenging and causes suffering regardless of whether or not you listen. Why not make it worth it?
There is no reason for you to not start taking steps in that direction. The passion needed to go through the challenges on the way to your full potential cannot realistically be overcome if you are not following your heart. You know how hard that will be? You need that extra motivation and meaning that lets you take challenges in stride. An obstacle needs to become a simple fact of life that you just deal with. You don’t have time to treat every problem like a huge deal. That’s the problem finding a purpose solves.
What is that feeling of interest that calls you this way and that way? That is YOU. That is your true-self that is buried behind the veil of fears and doubts created by your ego. Your true self knows that following your passion is how you can overcome those fears and doubts. It knows that you will have unbreakable confidence if you trusted it long enough to let it show you what you can be. It will let you experience the feeling of knowing that you are doing what you should be and that there is no challenge to great.
That same sense that arises from your true self will still be there 50 years from now. It will either be extremely thankful you took this to heart or tormenting with the regret from never giving it a go. Tormenting you for letting your fears and doubts control your life. Sorry if that’s harsh, but it’s true. It is better to know that now and avoid the pain of regret later. You must love and trust yourself. Then you can commit to not betraying what it is telling you to follow. You don’t need to know the entire path. You just need to know the step right in front of you. That might just be getting room organized so that your mind is less cluttered with confusion. It might be volunteering at someplace you care about. Saying you can’t do it is a lie. No matter how great an achievement anyone has had, it has a first step. Then a second. A third. And then after 20 years that person who started just like you, could literally be in outer space.
When you are doing something that is beneficial for you and others, while it also making you feel alive, do more of it! Keep doing it and see where it takes you. You don’t have anything better to do. Being able to lay their on your death bed knowing you tried, will be much more important than you could ever now. However, due to neuroscience and psycholgy behind striving for meaning while incorporating you natural curiosity, your physical reality is practically guaranteed to be much better too. You must factor in the fact you will need motivation to keep in the face of fears, doubts, and all the other obstacles life will throw at you.
There are practical considerations to build into your life of purpose, but that is what this is here for! Your life here is finite. What else would do besides try to integrate what you are interested in with the what you must do to support yourself. That sounds like a pretty fun game to me. You guaranteed to end it with winning the satisfaction of knowing you played. On top of that, you get to the chance of living the most fulfilling life possible. Do you want to play a game? I call it AlignU. The goal of the game is to orient your life with that which is meaningful to you. While doing that, you use intermediate goals as check points that let you know you are progressing. Those goals are beneficial to yourself and society. And once you start playing, you not allowed to stop.
The only rules (that are not really rules because they are not optional) are that you must be honest, authentic, have integrity, and gradually increase your capacity to Love. Is that too much to ask? A simple mantra that conveniently forms the acronym HAIL. Be HAIL. Live without the fear of future regret. Continually the step directly in front you. That starts now :)